Re-Seeking My Faith

I sit here with a few moments to myself. The baby is taking her afternoon nap, despite the clammour being made by some construction workers outside. The house is a bit chilly, and more than a little messy, yet I find myself wanting to do more than clean or cook or even surf Craigslist for new treasures. Instead, today I want to focus this little bit of time on something more important. It is crucial not because it will change me...at least not anytime soon. It is not vital to my physical health or my social stature. Today I need to focus on something infinitely more important to me: my faith.

I can recall many experiences in my life that have shaped my belief in God. I have had many prayers answered. I have had moments where I could have sworn I felt His embrace. On more than one occasion I have sat while righteous men, who held God's priesthood authority laid their hands on my head, and I knew without a doubt the words they spoke were coming straight from my Heavenly Father. It was as if He was standing in the room speaking to me from his own holy lips.

Yet after all these experiences, I find myself still searching to know if it is real. I have been taught there is only one path, only one gate, and only one way back to God's presence. I have entered in and have tried to live a life worthy of that one true way. Christ taught, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man cometh to the Father but by me." For this reason I feel a desperate yearning for my Savior. I recognize my need to be close to Him: to know Him better. I have felt, in the past, the despair of sin, and the joy of redemption. If only I could feel it more vividly now, amongst the day to day routine, and thus shout in gratitude, "Hallelujah, to the most High God!" If only I truly sought peace on earth or truly desired to find the lost sheep wandering in the mists of temptation! What an instrument I could be, if I were only more truly converted.

I write this entry for no one other than myself. I need to revive the testimony I have. I need to feel a desire to share it every day of my life. In order to do that I must find my faith all over again. I must start with the simple and dig to the depths. I know God lives. I know He loves me, and answers my prayers, and from there I must renew the rest, line upon line, precept upon precept until finally I am the powerful witness of Christ and His church that I am destined to be.